I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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