I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
