Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
