I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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