ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
