he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
