that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
