The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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