She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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