At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
