Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
