Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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