I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
