Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
