Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
