Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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