Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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