I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize