I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
