Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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