You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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