Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
why is half of my head shaved?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
