he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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