I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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