we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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