i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
