kristin has been a bad kristin
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
