am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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