I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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