A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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