Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
