I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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