Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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