I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
