When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
