did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
