i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize