Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
