Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
