my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
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