he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
