matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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