dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
