I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
