I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
