Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
