He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize