So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
