I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
