she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
