Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
