I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
