If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Someone shit on the floor
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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