is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
My cat gives me a boner
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
