My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
