I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i dont even know how to be here
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
