Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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