Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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