Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
