after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize