We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
