honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
