my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
