So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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