That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize