so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
last night I used snow as a chaser
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
