Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
