he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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