This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
