Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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