I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
