she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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