Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
