god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
