She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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