To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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