Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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